Catastrophe 4
by Persiana13
Summary: One Shot. L1701E suggested this story. Takes place in the DC Persiana-verse. While out celebrating a victory, Catman attempts to cook and serenade his way into Persiana's heart. Hilarity and pain ensues.


**Catastrophe 4**

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. _

One Shot

"Ladies and gentlemen, a toast, to our victory."

Lance Marlo, the red-eyed Titan known as Diablos, had raised a glass. The four Titans members had just defeated the villainous Girder, one of Flash's Rogues that came to New York to try and score it big. Girder was a villain whose body had turned to metal in a freak construction accident. He had super strength and invulnerability, but he was also crass, and made several crude comments about Wonder Girl, which flared Donna's temper. Girder was now sitting in a scrap heap somewhere in upstate New York after that. In celebration, Diablos recommended this somewhat upscale restaurant, where they had musicians go around and play violin music, or sing, depending on the mood.

Lance was also dating his fellow teammate Farrah, the furry lioness known as Persiana. After their unexpected meeting in New Jersey, Lance was growing quite fond of the feline's company. (1) He did not need his telepathic abilities to tell him that she was genuinely attracted to him.

Roy Harper, the hero known as Speedy, downed his drink and looked around. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and red tie. The archer smirked,

"I admit, this is fancy. I bet Ollie hasn't been here."

Lance, dressed in navy blue suit yellow pinstripes, and a yellow tie, smirked,

"Roy, Ollie owns the place."

Donna, dressed in a red gown, grinned,

"And it is close to the Mansion."

Farrah, disguise with her image inducer and dressed in a yellow strapless gown, kissed her boyfriend's cheek,

"You are a gentleman, Lance."

**Outside… **

Catman, the delirious love struck villain, was looking through a pair of binoculars in a bush. He smiled,

"Ah, my goddess is here."

The feline villain had followed Persiana since the battle with Girder and noticed her changing into her human guise. He then looked and saw Lance with her. Catman growled,

"Who is that man with her? He dares to steal my mate from me?! I will not stand for this! I must win her back!"  
Picking up the plant, he used it, and cautiously made his way to the back of the restaurant.

Inside the kitchen, Catman was wearing a chef's hat and apron on top of his costume. He peered out of the kitchen and smirked evilly,

"I have a plan to get that man away from my bride."

He went over to the stove and began mixing soup. He secretly put sleeping pills in the soup. He rubbed his hands evilly as the waiter brought the soup out.

Unfortunately, Farrah's table had all ordered salads, and the soup went to another table. One sip, and four other patrons fell asleep in the soups. As soon as they did, they all screamed,

"IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Catman cursed to himself,

"Damn it! Ah, no matter. I shall try for the main course."

He was about to when several chefs noticed him in the kitchen. Catman smiled at them nervously,

"Uh, hi, guys."

The head chef ordered,

"GET OUT!"  
A series of pots, pans, and various curses came from the kitchen. The following could be heard,

"YOU DARE TOUCH THE SOUP! I WORKED FOR MONTHS ON THE RECIPE!"

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

"FREAK!"

As bad as the insults were, the injuries were worse. Catman screamed,

"THE PAIN!!! IS SOUP SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HOT? IS IT SUPPOSED TO BURN?!"

The chefs all threw him out of the back door of the kitchen. Catman landed in a dumpster head first, his legs dangling comically about. He groaned,

"The pain. The pain."

He stood up,

"I shall not give up yet."

The feline then noticed several people walking around, some singing, and some playing a violin. An evil idea formed in his head,

"Purrfect."

**Inside the restaurant… **

Lance asked,

"Did anyone else here something?"

Farrah shrugged,

"Probably the wind."

Roy looked at his feline teammate,

"In the kitchen?"

Farrah smirked,

"Maybe Flash decided to stop by and taste the food."

Donna shook her head,

"I envy him. How can that man eat so much and not gain weight? It is beyond me."

As dessert was being served, Catman, disguised as one of the performers, made his way in and began singing,

"MY DARLING BRIDE! SHE IS A PLAYFUL KITTEN AND HAS LONG SHARP CLAWS!!!!! SHE IS IN LOVE WITH CATMAN, THE MAN THAT WANTS TO HAVE KITTENS WITH HER!!!!!"

Needless to say, Catman's singing sounds more like someone strangling a cat. The other patrons covered their ears. The Titans all looked at the singer. Farrah narrowed her eyes,

"He's very familiar to me, somehow. I know I've seen him somewhere, or at least heard his voice."

Catman scowled, and finally revealed his true colors,

"It's me! Catman! I have come to take my bride!"  
Persiana's eyes widened at that,

"YOU! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SICKO!!"

The love struck feline sighed happily,

"She is calling out to me, to rescue her from the man that has imprisoned her in his tower."

Lance raised an eyebrow,

"Tower? Pal, I don't know what you're talking about, or what you think you've heard, but Farrah is a grown woman who can decide for herself who she wants to be with."

Catman's eyes widened in rage. He roared,

"GET AWAY FROM MY GODDESS, YOU BASTARD!"  
The feline villain tackled Lance, and tried to swipe with his claw weapon and knife. The other patrons bolted out of there.

Diablos could have easily used his powers to get him to back off, but he did not want to risk his secret identity being exposed. He wrestled the knife away, but the claw weapon was on Catman's fist like knuckles.

Persiana erupted in fury and raked her claws viciously against Catman's back. He screamed in agony,

"THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT REALLY, REALLY HUR-!!!!!!!!!!"

Before he could finish the sentence, he got thrown into the kitchen, and Farrah followed.

In the next few moments, the following could be heard,

"NO, DON'T CUT THAT OFF!!! I NEED THAT!!! THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT!!!"

"I'M GONNA NEUTER YOU THIS TIME, CATMAN!!!! WHEN I SAY NO, I MEAN NO!!!!"

"IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AGONY!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN SOMETHING THAT COLD BURN SO HOT??!!!!"

"BBBBWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAA!"

"A SOUP LADLE ISN'T MEANT TO BE USED THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"AND NOW FOR THE MAIN COURSE!!! WE HAVE TO PREHEAT THE OVEN!!!"

"NOT THAT!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!"

The oven door slammed shut loudly and Farrah walked back out, visibly calmer. She walked back to her table and sat down for dessert, oblivious to the looks she was getting. The disguised heroine looked at the other three Titans and, with a look of innocence, asked,

"What?"  
Donna had to say it,

"What exactly did you do to Catman?"  
Around the time in the kitchen, the police had been called in. They were hauling Catman away, on a platter. He had an apple in his mouth, and he looked a little golden brown. His hands and feet were tied together. He looked like a suckling pig that was prepared at a great banquet. The love struck cat tried to talk, but with an apple in his mouth, that was hard to do. Around the plate were garnished vegetables and fruits, and Catman looked to be covered in a sticky honey glaze.

The Titans watched in stunned, and amused, silence as Catman was carted away. Roy then looked at Farrah,

"You know, Ollie is going to throw a fit when he finds out what you did to his restaurant."

Lance shook his head,

"Somehow, I don't think Farrah cares."

**The next day… **

Ollie was called in to review some insurance claims for his restaurant. Needless to say, he was less than thrilled,

"HOW MUCH IS THIS GOING TO COST ME?"

He looked down the list,

"SINCE WHEN COULD YOU DO THAT WITH AN OVEN?"

The health inspector shook his head,

"I admit, it's the first I've ever seen something like this. Whoever did this has some serious mental issues."

Ollie groaned out loud,

"How many people are suing the chefs? The soup was bad! Since when?"  
The inspector tasted the soup from the pot. Immediately, he fell asleep, and landed face first into the cauldron. He screamed,

"IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT, THIS RESTAURANT IS BEING SHUT DOWN INDEFINITELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The billionaire archer rubbed the bridge of his nose,

"I don't think I want to know what happened here last night."

End of One Shot

Suggestions needed badly for Catastrophe 5.

(1) Lance and Farrah first met in Justice League Persiana Chapter 15 and 16.


End file.
